Damn angry with myself!

Argh!! Damn angry with myself!!

Mz was very emo today that she felt like committing suicide. As a friend, I've consoled her, comforted her before.. But just one sentence, everything has gone into the drains. Just because she heard her friend's bf saying that he saw T with another girl at Kallang, she went "nuts" again. Disappeared for a few hours, bombed her phone at least 10times using office phone. I even tried to use Ziling's phone to call her. But she just refused to pick up. She declined almost every single call no matter who called. I was so freaking worried when T told me what happened. I felt so useless. I wanted to call her using my phone or even sending her a simple msg, but I couldn't. Simply because my line was suspended. I was so afraid. I was so afraid that I would just lose a friend like this. A friend who is so good at heart, a friend who is so helpful, a friend who just need a listening ear, and a friend who just need someone to be loyal and faithful to her. But as her friend, there wasn't much I could do to help her ease a lil of her pain. Even if it's just a lil lil bit. I couldn't do anything. Even during the company Kick-off, my mind was full of her. Although by then I know she was safe and sound, but my mind was really full of her. But yet there was nothing I could do. I couldn't even contact her!

What have I done for her as a friend? Why is it that when she needed me the most I couldn't be with her? Why is it that I couldn't share the pain with her? You know? As I'm typing this I'm actually tearing.. Why am I so useless as a friend? Why am I so stupid to know that everyone handles their emotional hurts differently? Why can I use the method which worked on me to make it work for her? Why am I so dumb?

My intentions were good. But I handled it in a wrong method. This incident helped me to learn. People ARE different. They look differently, think differently, most importantly, FEEL DIFFERENTLY. I think I really need to acknowledge the fact that I am really a failure when it comes to counselling.

I am really so disappointed with myself. So much so that I don't even feel like eating although I haven't had my dinner. Sigh....


My turn to go to the seaside and shout!!!!